- I found out I was pregnant for the first time when I was 21 and in college.
- I graduated from nursing school and had my daughter one week later.
- Driving two hours and stopping for McChickens on the way back home got me out of PPD.
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I found out that I was going to become a mother as a terrified 21-year-old college student peeing in a paper cup in the bathroom of a sketchy rental.
My pregnancy was a tumultuous one — I spent my first trimester running out of patient rooms to puke in trash cans as I crawled my way through nursing school, my second trimester planning a shotgun wedding that saw me walking down the aisle at 20 weeks, and my third pulling night shifts to pay the bills as both my due date and graduation date loomed.
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I graduated with my bachelor of science in nursing and delivered my first daughter exactly one week later. Postpartum depression soon engulfed me entirely, and while I can't tell if it was a perfect storm of life events, an actual chemical change, or a combination of both, I know that the first year of my daughter's life was spent in a dark haze that I can barely recall.
Going to McDonald's got me through it
Without a support system or even the knowledge of what was happening to me, I attempted to dig myself out of the whole that was PPD. And I found my way out in a most unexpected way — through drive-thru McChickens.
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Sometime after my daughter turned 1 year old, I tried anything and everything I could to feel like "myself" again. I tried running, as I had in the past, I tried to pick up new hobbies, I spent time with my baby, and in a flash of inspiration, I applied to graduate school.
I didn't have a clear goal then, but somehow, by taking one evening class at a local university once a week, I found my way back to myself.
The two-hour drives back and forth to school were the only moments of peace I had from working as a nurse on the night shift and caring for my baby during the day without sleep. The three-hour class was an escape from my new life that felt impossible. The 11 p.m. nighttime drives home were punctuated by my ritual stop at McDonald's for a McChicken sandwich and the soothing sound of the "Hey Delilah" radio show playing.
Now, those sandwiches remind me of everything I've accomplished
It sounds completely improbably and obviously unhealthy, but somehow, that $1 indulgence, time to myself, and hearing other people's problems as the cool night air blew over my face slowly restored me.
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I never did finish that graduate degree. I dropped out after one class when I fell pregnant again, but now, 15 years later, I am looking to finally finish it.
Now, when my 4-year-old begs for a Happy Meal for lunch, I admit that I can't help but order a McChicken sandwich. A simple sandwich is both a celebration that I had made it through and a reminder that even the hard parts of life can become fond memories to look back on.
I know that there will be similar challenges in my future as a parent, but I have hope that just like I did as a lonely new mom, I will find ways to make it through.
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